Because it’s more than just sex, and never simply a relationship

There are countless blogs about sex, and loads of relationship-related ones.  Some are mindless rants, others tired pop-psychology drivel. There are a few good ones too.

“So when are you going to start a blog?”

I’ve been asked this question more times than I can count, and have long resisted.

People figure if you’ve written several successful books as I have — none having to do with my day job as a therapist — then surely you should write a blog.  My view has always been that you should only write or edit a blog if you have something to say that’s worth others’ taking the time to read. It doesn’t have to be profound or original (honestly, how much of what gets into print is?) but it should be worthwhile.  A good topical blog is at very least informative and in some way helpful.  It helps if it is thought-provoking . It should also be reasonably well written and at least modestly entertaining. When it is addressing serious stuff, it must not take itself too seriously: words, like vapor, in the cloud.

So after such persistence on the part of those who know me, I asked myself a question: do I have a blog in me? So often people have come up to me after hearing that I have written books and said “I have a book in me.”  My reply, usually not out loud but in my mind, has usually been and that’s probably where it belongs. So why should I too now add more words on the topic of relationships and sexuality to the blogosphere? DO I have something more to say that is worth your taking the time to read? Something informative, helpful, thought-provoking, modestly entertaining and, on a good day, well written?

Blog launched, I truly hope so.  And when I don’t, I pray others whose words I will share in this space will.

What you will find here in the days, weeks, months and (perhaps) years ahead will be a wide assortment of posts on an array of topics. Some will be useful tidbits. A few will be curiosities. Most, I hope, will be the fruit of my many years’ experience working with people and current news, stuff on the cutting edge.

All I really know is people. All I have studied is people and I have spent most of my adult life doing it. Notice I didn’t say sex. I didn’t say relationships. I said people. I may “do” lots of things — especially sex therapy and relationship counseling — but what I know, what I “read,” is people.

I’m interested in the human person in an integral way. We live in a world of specialization, always focusing on parts and aspects of things. Most sex therapists do this. Like most professionals, that’s how they were trained.  But there is no separating body, mind, emotions and spirit and no isolating the individual from interpersonal and social relationships. I’m interested in life’s big questions and also nitty-gritty realities. Think: Truth-Beauty-Goodness-Unity meets watering the houseplants, caressing and ravaging a lover, grieving the loss of a friend and cleaning up after dinner.  If we are healthy and whole, it all fits together — parts of one seamless whole.  I’m particularly interested in the nexus of sexuality and spirituality, where our most primal self meets meaning and purpose in life. We may speak about separate aspects of life but it’s all connected. And WE are all interconnected.

That’s why this blog is not going to have a very narrow focus. At its best it will look at us humans through a wider lens. When it takes a narrower focus it is likely to be on things beyond the day-to-day field of view of many of us. Its horizon will be past that of most of my colleagues who make their living listening to lives and/or studying people’s sexual and relationship behaviors and habits. At least that’s my hope for the relationshipsandsexuality blog.

I also hope you’ll help me make this a dynamic, vital and interesting experience.  Add your comments. (I don’t intend to play sensor but, like any good editor, will moderate posts for relevance.)  And I hope you’ll contact me if you like what you read and feel you could use professional help. You can reach me through The Center for Relationships and Sexuality website.

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